Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Oops I Did It Again

To quote the wise and immortal words of Britney Spears, (Or was it Tony Abbott?) "Oops I did it again."  I couldn't help myself.  One minute I was in the play-pen sniffing Badger's bottom, the next I was on top of him.  It's all a bit of a blur really and I don't have much recollection of the event other than Pea's great paw descending on me and dragging me off.  Actually I think Pea was quite proud of me and probably envied my stamina.  Chook says I'm quite a stud and Pea reckons I could make a fortune in piggy-porn movies.   But then to add insult to injury, while I was distracted and chewing a bit of carrot the little sod mounted me.  (Badger that is, not Pea.)  Well you can imagine my surprise and I spent the rest of the evening with my back to the wall with one eye on my carrot and the other on Badger.  Anyway, that incident has rather cooled my ardour.  I thought he was such a nice, young, innocent little pig.  Oh! But love is blind.  I see him now for what he is - a raving sexual predator and I can assure you that next time I drop my bean I'm going to kick it all the way back to my little red shelter before I bend down to pick it up.

The other day I created a Twitter account for myself, so you can now all follow my witty comments and cutting remarks there too, where I go under the pseudonym Piggusbiggus.  I have the honour of being followed by our former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd.  I am one of an elite group of almost 250,000 to be followed by Kevin07.  He even follows Pea, aka "Theafricadude".  It must take him all day to read everyone's tweets.  Mostly they are a waste of space anyway.  People say the dumbest things and expect others to be interested.  Things like - "I'm in the shopping centre looking for a toilet.  I hope I can find a clean one." and  "I'm sitting in the departure lounge and it's very hot and stuffy."  Well guess what.  Nobody cares, so shut up!  I follow Kristina Keneally, the Premier of New South Wales.  She doesn't say much but Pea reckons she's the sexiest politician he's ever seen.  Even sexier than Bronwyn Bishop, as if that were possible.  I also follow several guinea pigs.  I just hope that the cyber police don't arrest me for attempting to groom them for my own devious sexual ends.

Finally today I'd like to comment on the predicament of poor old Colonel Gaddafi.  Forty-odd years in power,  (Some of them very odd.) and now it looks as though he's going the same way as Mr Mubarak.  There are a lot of weird contradictions in the West's relationship with Gaddafi.  Even a randy little cavy can see that.  You Western humans spent most of the last forty years denigrating the old loony while at the same time sucking up to him for his oil.  If I was him I'd now say "Stuff it."  I'd withdraw my squillions from my Swiss bank account and move in with some other despot.  I'm sure the Saudi's will welcome him like they did Idi Amin and there's no way you Western humans will kick up a fuss because you need their oil too.  Sometimes I'm glad I'm just a simple, non-cynical guinea pig. 

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