Sunday, March 6, 2011

Osama bin Laden's Bottom Passage

What a strange attitude humans have towards technology.  You're quite prepared to have to turn off your computer by clicking the start button and yet you complain bitterly if the scrambled eggs served to you for breakfast whilst travelling at six hundred miles an hour at thirty nine thousand feet in an aluminium tube are not quite hot enough.  You complain that sitting in front of your computer all day is ruining your eyes, but you go home an sit in front of the telly for a further four or five hours.  You whinge like crazy if there's a power cut for an hour and then you happily go camping for a week without power.  You lament the cost of re-connecting power lines when they're knocked down by a cyclone but you steadfastly refuse to put the cables underground where they would never be damaged again. 

You have the technology to fly a tomahawk missile right up Osama bin Laden's bottom passage without touching the sides, if only you could find him, and yet you can't make a GPS for a car that doesn't send the driver the wrong way down a one way street with a copper waiting at the other end.  More than 40 years ago you put men on the moon and yet you still can't make a cell phone that doesn't fry the user's brain.  Actually I think it's impossible that human ingenuity hasn't solved that minor problem.  It is a deliberate fault.  I have a theory that since the earth is probably about fifty percent over-populated, world leaders got together with their co-conspirators - the captains of industry in order to develop a means of reducing the population, thereby averting looming wars over food, water and oil which might harm the bottom line.

Obviously they had to come up with something that the great unwashed hoards would think that they couldn't do without: something that would, over time, cause a tennis ball sized tumour to grow inside people's heads.  Tah dah!  Behold the cell phone.  What normal person could possibly do without a phone that incorporates a camera and several dopey games?  Goodness me.  Even Pea has got one.  He has no idea how to use it mind you.  It has a very irritating frog croak ring-tone that he doesn't know how to change.

Ask yourself.  When was the last time you saw George Dubya Bush, Tony Blair, John Howard, Kevin Rudd, Julia Gillard, Barry O'Barmer or any other world leader you care to name actually using a cell phone  themselves?  They're not as stupid as you humans think they are.  Well, okay maybe George Dubya is. So, there you have it - a conspiracy theory from a guinea pig. I bet you didn't expect that this week.  But why not?  It's more feasible than the theory that the CIA had something to do with 9/11.     

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