Sunday, January 9, 2011

Pachyderm Poo

Given my current predicament I don't like to mention the "B" word, but Chook has recently put two coloured rubber balls in my cage.  I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do with them so I've rolled them into my little red shelter where they are out of sight and hopefully won't remind Pea and Chook of my dangly bits, which they seem determined to deprive me of.  Honestly!  First it was a mirror, which terrified me, now its rubber balls which just confuse me.  Its as though Pea and Chook are trying to work out what sort of creature I am by process of elimination.  I fully expect to wake up one day with a cage full of catnip.  Mind you, Pea and Chook aren't the only ones to be dumbfounded by my singularly gorgeous looks.  A little while ago Pea brought a Maasai friend of his home.  He looked into my cage with widening eyes and exclaimed "My God!  Is it a mongoose?"  Frankly I find it all a little insulting.

Meanwhile here in South East Queensland the rain continues to fall.  I heard Pea tell Chook that he measured eight inches this morning.  I assume he was talking about precipitation, but you never know with Pea.  He's always prone to bragging, not to mention wild exaggeration.  I've lost count of the number of politicians who have appeared on the telly claiming the floods here to be of biblical proportions.  I guess they're referring to the flood that caused Noah so many problems a few years ago.  Two of my ancestors were on his ark and the stories I've heard of their ordeal makes my fur stand on end.  Imagine being a small animal stuck on a little boat wondering when and where the next dollop of elephant, hippo or rhino dung was going to fall.  To be honest I think I'd rather drown than be buried under an avalanche of pachyderm poo!

Anyway, obviously my ancestors survived the ordeal, but it still mystifies me how two guinea pigs managed to make their way from the ark at the top of Mount Ararat to the Peruvian Andes where they lived happily ever after and had a squillion offspring.  But then who am I to question what is written in the Bible?  What do I know? I'm just a cavy.  I just wish someone would tell Pea and Chook that, so that they stop filling my cage with budgie and dog toys.

Readers of my last humble offering - "The Israeli Spy Vulture" will have seen that I have convinced myself that in a past life I was a person of great influence and intellect.  Ronald Reagan maybe.  Well, he had influence, or at least Nancy did.  I'd like to think that I have a lot in common with Henry Kissinger and Nelson Mandela but since neither of them have shuffled off this mortal coil I'm guessing that they're still using their souls.  A real possibility is John Howard.  Yes I know he's still alive, but Pea often says what a soulless bastard he is - maybe I've got it.  If I have any further thoughts on this subject I'll be sure to let you know.  

No comments:

Post a Comment