Sunday, January 23, 2011

Strange & Complex Creatures

I've had letters from some of my many fans recently, voicing their concerns that Pea might one day decide to have yours truly for dinner.  I am pleased to report that I really don't think that's going to happen.  When it comes to animals Pea is as soft as a piece of fresh bush chocolate.  He's been know to burst into floods of tears of grief and remorse having accidentally trodden on an ant.  I therefore think that he is more likely to chew his own arm up to his elbow than he is to chow down on me, but I guess you never know with lapsed vegetarians.  It's a bit hypocritical isn't it, being so concerned about causing pain and suffering to animals and yet being so willing to eat them as long as someone else kills them?  Ah well, humans are strange and complex creatures, beyond the understanding of a simple cavy.

Also beyond the the understanding of this particular simple cavy is the price people are willing to pay for a cup of coffee made with beans that have passed through the digestive tract of an Asian palm civet.  I was sitting on Pea's lap yesterday having my fur brushed when I saw an advert for Kopi Luwak in the newspaper at his side.  This stuff is the world's most expensive coffee. It sells for about US$54.00 for 200 grams and that's on Ebay where bargains are supposedly found.  What intrigues me is why anybody thought it a good idea to drink anything made from something that has recently popped out of an animal's bum.  Okay, I know I eat my own bush chocolate but hey, at least I know where it's been.  How did it happen?
Perhaps a couple of blokes were walking through an Indonesian coffee plantation one day when one of them said.  "Hey look.  There's a pile of civet shit.  Lets have a cuppa."  Now of course my next worry is that Pea and Chook will see this as an opportunity to make money by feeding me coffee beans and then waddling along behind me to collect the finished product before washing it (hopefully), bagging it up and flogging it off to Coles.  You can probably expect to see bags of "Billy The Pig's Cavy Crap Coffee" on the shelf of a supermarket near you very shortly.  That's fine with me as long as some of the royalties come my way in the form of juicy green beans. 

Another letter I had recently concerned the quality of my writing. "What's wrong with your grammar?' They asked.  To which I replied "Nothing.  As far as I know.  She's alive and well and living in Cuzco, but thanks for your concern."  It has also been pointed out to me that I have been using exclamation marks incorrectly and that they should only be used at the end of a quote which was intended to be shouted.  Well what do you expect - William frigging Shakespeare?  I'm just a guinea pig for crying out loud

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