The Tale of Slam Dunk Kate

Australia has a legend.

A true blue sporting great.

A portly little wombat

Who’s known as “Slam Dunk Kate.”

Kate loved watching basketball.

Every weekend was the same.

She’d walk down to the stadium,

She never missed a game.

Her favourite team were animals.

They called themselves “The Brutes”,

But when you hear about the team

You’ll see it didn’t suit.

The captain was a possum,

As timid as can be.

Whenever the spectators cheered

He’d scamper up a tree.

There also was a bilby

And a bandicoot.

They hopped around the court a lot

But couldn’t really shoot.

Then there was an emu

Who was something of a glutton.

He’d stride up to the umpire

And swallow all his buttons.

Their star player was a python

Who couldn’t bounce the ball,

But if you stood him on his tail

He’d be seventeen feet tall. 

The other teams all laughed at him.

They though it very funny

That someone seventeen feet tall

Should crawl round on his tummy.

“The Brutes” had never won a game,

They’d never even scored

And sometimes when she watched them play

Even Kate got rather bored.

Then one day a challenge came

Postmarked USA.

“We’re the Harlem Globetrotters.

Would you like to play?”

“Any team that’s called The Brutes

Must be really good.

But if anyone can beat you

I think perhaps we could.”

And so the big game was arranged.

Globetrotter versus Brutes.

The animals were so excited

That they all bought brand new boots.  

Except the python naturally

For he wasn’t blessed with feet.

He needed boots about as much

As a dolphin needs a seat.

The day of the big game came around,

And the first one there was Kate.

She arrived just after half past one, 

Though the game didn’t start till eight. 

She made herself quite comfortable

And curled up on the floor.

Within about five minutes

She’d begun to snore. 

She slept and slept and slept and slept

Without so much as a though

That she was curled up in a ball

In the centre of the court.

When the teams were introduced

The Americans got a fright.

Five animals in boots and vests

Is really quite a sight.

The umpire when he saw the teams

Said “This will be a slaughter.

The Globetrotter will thrash the Brutes.

We’d better play just one quarter.”

The umpire blew his whistle

And the crowd all cheered with glee.

It was then the captain of The Brutes

Shot up the nearest tree.

The Globetrotters just laughed and laughed.

They laughed until they wept,

And in the excitement no one saw

Young Katie where she slept.

The Globetrotters eyes were filled with tears.

They couldn’t see at all.

Their captain picked up little Kate,

He thought she was the ball. 

He bounced her once and bounced her twice,

And with a shout of “Allez oop!”

He leapt with poor Kate in his hand

And slam dunked her in the hoop.

Meanwhile at the other end 

A great shemozzle followed.

The emu picked up the ball 

With his beak and swallowed.

The ball stuck in the emu’s throat,

A very comical lump.

It was then the possum leapt from the tree

And landed with a thump.

Upon the emu’s back he fell,

Which made the big bird cough.

The basketball flew from his throat,

While the possum just fell off.

The crowd watched in amazement

As with a graceful loop

The basketball sailed through the air

And landed in the hoop.

“Three points to nil.” The umpire called.

Now The Brutes were winning.

“Gosh! We’ve never scored before.”

Said the emu, grinning.

Meanwhile, at the other end

Kate still snored away.

She simply didn’t realize 

The part she was to play. 

Looking up from beneath the hoop

The teams could see her face,

While her hairy, chubby bottom

Pointed into space.

The Globetrotters knew every trick,

But everything they tried,

Every slam dunk, every shot

Just bounced off Kate’s backside.

The Globetrotters were very cross.

They said “Umpire, take a look.

Does it mention wombats

In your basketball rule book?”

Carefully the umpire read the rules

And finally he said,

“It doesn’t mention wombats

In anything I’ve read.”

Soon the final whistle blew,

The game was over and done,

And miracle of miracles,

The Brutes had actually won.

The crowd went wild, they clapped and cheered

And the possum ran off again.

The emu said, “How will Kate get down?”

Said the python “Hire a crane.”

So, that is what they did

And it wasn’t long before

The crane had gently lowered

The sleeping wombat to the floor.

They chaired the wombat from the court,

A hero of great fame.

It was then that Kate woke up and said,

“Oh! Did I miss the game?”