Monday, March 5, 2012

A Fridge Full of Cane Toads

Who the hell called The Sunshine Coast "The Sunshine Coast"? Whoever it was I intend to take them to court for false advertising.  Rain, rain, rain! Badger and I are as cheesed off as two cheese sandwiches who have a very special reason to be cheesed off. That's how cheesed off we are. Day after day we sit in our cages watching the rain pound against the window. It's okay for you humans, to you three days rain is just three days rain, but when you're a guinea pig there are twelve days piggy days to your one, so for us three days rain is more than a month.  If this keeps up my staff won't be able to get to the shops to buy my food and I'll end up having to eat Badger. Not all at once obviously. It would be rude to eat one's friend all in one sitting. I'd probably just nibble a leg now and again, or perhaps an ear. Just enough to keep me going until the vegetables get through again. Just to clarify that - by "vegetables" I mean my food, not my staff.

Hah! What a hoot! Billionaire Clive Palmer has just been named an "Australian Living Treasure". I was sitting on my female staff's lap chowing down on a particularly long and stringy bit of corn husk when I saw this on the evening news. I nearly wet myself. Fortunately I managed to get my leg out of the way in time and only wet my female staff. Her shorts need a wash anyway so it was nothing to worry about. It was probably quite an agreeably warm sensation on her lap actually . She was eating an apple at the time and nearly choked on it at the news. Fortunately the news didn't have the same effect on her bladder or my male staff would have had to go out to the shed in the rain to fetch the mop.

For those of you lucky enough not to know who Clive Palmer is, he's Austalia's richest man and an Olympic class cane toad impersonator.

Left. Clive Palmer

Right. A cane toad

The only discernible difference between the two is that the cane toad has one or two scruples is slightly less toxic and is much less egotistical. What on earth is the criteria they use to decide who is a National Living Treasure and who isn't? Clive Palmer owns the Gold Coast United Soccer club here in Australia and he's acted so obnoxiously that they've been kicked out of the league. Rightly so. He signed the contracts and should have obeyed by their rules. Now because of his huge ego the future of the professionals involved with the club are in doubt. Not just the players, but the entire staff, that's dozens, if not scores of people potentially out of a job. He also owns what used to be the Hyatt Regency Coolum Resort here on the so called Sunshine Coast of Queensland. Now he's broken another contract and sacked Hyatt as resort managers. Once again this casts doubt on the jobs of hundreds of resort staff in a part of Queensland where jobs are already scarce.

You may be interested to know that cane toads are a pest species in Australia and people are encouraged to collect them and kill them humanely by putting them in their fridge (That's the human's fridge, not the cane toad's. It's considered inhumane to lock a cane toad in his own fridge.) where the cold sends them to sleep. Then you can finish them off by putting them in the freezer. You will need to double check that you have caught a cane toad, not Clive Palmer though. Hold your suspected toad upside down and shake him. If it is Clive Palmer a whole lot of money will fall out of his pockets. Believe me, you don't want to put Clive Palmer in your fridge. If you do, you can kiss goodbye to that lovely ham you bought yesterday, not to mention that kilo of nice bitey cheddar, the litre tub of mango yogurt, your favourite chocolate, that piece of delicious leftover blueberry cheesecake you've had your eye on since the weekend, the six pack of beer and the bottle of Moet you've been saving for a special occasion. Oh yes, the half tin of dog food's not safe either.

I wouldn't want Clive Palmer to tread on my foot.


  1. BOL!!! I'm going to check our fridge!
    P.S. Love this pic of Badger.

  2. Once again, Badger does not disappoint! His foot notes are incisive, intelligent & relevant!! Billy, you've done a beautiful job of the very close comparison of the cane toad to that rich idiot! You is correct, it's hard to see the difference! You is an inspiration to me and the reason me started my own bwog!! Fanks you!! Scotty, Oreo and Laddy (oh yeah...momma, too!)