Once more my testostricals are under threat.They are hanging by the finest of gossamer threads. Badger and I were doing a photo shoot in the lounge to endorse a friend's newly published book. Our job was to sit one either side of his book surrounded by toy Koalas and an Aussie flag. My friend likes these photos to put on his blog to show that his books are being read in strange parts of the globe, and lets face it you don't get much stranger than Australia. Anyway, the photo shoot was going smoothly and Badger and I were putting on our cutest poses when Badger made the mistake of turning his back to me, thus exposing his big, round, glossy, black butt to me. Well, I ask you. What's a big, butch, sex-starved boar piggy supposed to do? Obviously he had to be mounted, and naturally I obliged. It was Badger's fault - as anyone reasonable person can see.
My male staff had to drop his camera and pull me off Badger's back. His timing was poor however and he received a handful of piggy juice for his trouble. This is the second time that this has happened. The first time I was warned that if it happened again I was destined for a trip to the vet for an appointment with the scalpel of doom. (Here's a link to my blog post that dealt with that last unfortunate incident.) Click on it if you dare.
It turns out that my male staff took a photo of the ahem..........incident. Now he's blackmailing me with it. He say's he'll post the photo on Twitter and Facebook if I don't promise to stop mounting Badger. How can I make such a promise? Everytime I see his butt the hormones kick in, and wallop! It's wham bam thank you Badger. But then I got to thinking that maybe I should just let him go ahead and plaster the photo all over the internet. After all, the sex video didn't harm Paris Hilton's career. Hang on! What is Paris Hilton's career? Never mind. My point is that I'm a lot cuter than she is, and much hairy from the evidence that I've seen. Who knows? I might even launch a whole new career for myself as a piggy porn star. No doubt there's a market for that sort of thing.
Even worse than Paris Hilton's sex video was the latest film evidence of the abuse and cruelty to animals in Indonsesian abattoirs. Australia has a large live cattle export trade to Indonesia and other Islamic nations and the Australian government and the cattle industry is supposed to inspect abattoirs to ensure that humane standards are being observed. In Indonesia at least they are not, and sickening footage of totally unnecessary, not to mention cowardly animal cruelty has surfaced from several abattoirs. When the first batch of videos came to light the Australian government closed down the live cattle trade for a few weeks until they were satisfied that the Indonesian abattoirs were complying with humane standards of operation. This closure, not surprisingly, earned them a lot of unpopularity amongst the Australian farming community and much criticism from the political opposition, all of whom said that these were isolated cases, and that the cattle producers should not be financially disadvantaged in such a way. Once again it seemed to be a case of "What's all the fuss about. They're only animals." After a while the live cattle trade resumed and now more disgraceful footage of abuse in an Indonesian abattoir has founds it's way to Australia's commercial packed television sets. Badger and I had to hide our heads in our straw. We couldn't bear to watch it. We haven't had to do that since the last excrutiating series of Australia's Got Talent.
Please don't go thinking that I'm Islam bashing because I'm not. Only a couple of weeks ago more horrible film footage surfaced showing cruelty and abuse in an Australian abattoir. This behaviour needs to be stamped out wherever it occurs. What sort of people have they got working in abattoirs anyway? Are they former torturers from the Pol Pot regime? How can they be so callous and cowardly towards animals that are already stressed and terrified? It seems to me that if governments and the cattle industry are unable to guarantee the humane treatment of exported cattle, then live exports should be stopped until it can. Sometimes a loss of income is what it takes to focus the attention.
I got some of Billy's piggy juice on my feet.