Things have been a little strained with my staff lately. They went shopping a couple of days ago and my male staff went into one of their regular shops while my female staff was off doing something else - having her toe nails pulled out or her boobs refilled or whatever it is that women do as soon as they're out of sight of their husbands. Anyway, the lady in the shop is a regular reader of my blog and in all innocence asked my male staff "How's the pig?" Being in an unusually jovial mood he replied "You can ask her yourself, she'll be here in a minute." Unfortunately my female staff had finished whatever it was she was doing and unbeknown to my male staff had been standing behind him long enough to overhear the conversation. Seeing the lady wince slightly he looked behind to see my female staff standing there, arms folded and foot tapping. All it needed to complete the picture was a rolling pin tucked under her arm.
At least my male staff isn't the only one to make the occasional faux pas. One of his work colleagues had an appointment with two clients she had never met before. It was a 2pm meeting and his colleague knew his clients were eating lunch at a nearby restaurant prior to the appointment. When they arrived they were two extremely portly people who's backsides would barely fit in the chairs. What did my male staff's colleague say? "You look like you've had a good lunch." She might as well have said "God! You're a pair of fat bastards aren't you." Another of my male staff's friends asked a client when her baby was due only to be told indignantly that she wasn't pregnant. Honestly, you have to be so careful what you say to people these days - they can be so sensitive.
As you know Auntie Shelley has been visiting over the last couple of days, she's gone back to New South Wales now, left about an hour ago actually. Thankfully she was a lot less demanding than Auntie Jan who wanted me to perform all sorts of tricks as if I was some sort of circus animal. I know I live with a couple of clowns, but that was taking things too far. I liked Auntie Shelley, she was all cuddly and didn't talk down to me, spoke to me as an equal in fact - which actually was rather underestimating my status but never mind, she's only human. She has animals herself, just a dog and a couple of cats - nothing intelligent.
More guests arrived for lunch not long after Auntie Shelley's departure. This time it was Uncle Rob, Auntie Lesley and my favourite person in the world, their daughter Elly. I could sit on Elly's lap all day, in fact I did. She's the David Beckham of pig-stroking, only with fewer tatoos. She feeds me lettuce and treats me like an adult rather than some retarded human child, unlike my staff. Apparently Uncle Rob and my male staff are planning to climb Mount Kilimanjaro in October. I'm just grateful that I don't have to meet them at the bottom and listen to their endless whinging about their sore legs. My male staff still complains about the after effects of climbing Mount Kinabalu thirteen years ago, which was the last time he climbed anything bigger than a medium sized pile of bush chocolate. Funny isn't it? Some human males buy a Ferrari or have an affair with an exotic woman when they have their mid-life crisis. Others sail around the world or dye their hair. Not my male staff and uncle Rob, Oh no! What do they want to do? Climb a hill on the other side of the world.
I won't mention their age though, at least not in their presence. That really would be a faux pas.