Deliverance

Well, here we are in Mackay. Wheek! There are some strange looking beings here. My male staff and his mad sister took me and Badger to the local Pizza hut for a takeaway. Hoo boy! It was like walking into that bar in Star Wars. There was a guy with no bottom jaw, (How do you eat a pizza with no bottom jaw?) a kid in pyjamas who was the spitting image of the banjo playing boy in Deliverance, and two hippo impersonators who really shouldn't eat any more pizza anyway. Badger and I glanced at each other and ran back to the motel quick smart, dodging between the wheels of the huge trucks which were belting down the Bruce Highway. We scratched on the door and male staff's dad let us in. We virtually leapt into his arms. Mainly because he was eating an apple and we were hungry.

We left home in high spirits and drove to Agnes Water without running anybody over. Here we had a nice apartment with lots of new smelling things to chew, which we took advantage of while the humans were out swimming and stuff. The TV didn't work when they got back and we got the blame for that. Also the toaster, the microwave and the bedside lamps. Badger also tried gnawing on male staff's dad's wheelie-walker but he said it had a strange metallic taste. Later that day we all went out on a LARC, which it seems in an old US military amphibious vehicle. I think the Marines used it for fishing expeditions. It was painted hot pink which wouldn't have been very good camouflage unless you happened to be at war with the Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras. Still, it was good fun, especially when male staff's dad fell off his seat twice when the stupid LARC thing splashed down off a sand bank into the sea. naturally the floor of the LARC was awash with sea water so he had to walk around with wet trousers for the rest of the day.

Today we drove through a place called Rockhampton, which is allegedly the beef capital of Australia. Being Queensland, the good people of the city have erected a statue of a Brahman bull at the side of the main road entering the city from the south. It's quite realistic except that it is six times life size and has a metal chain hanging from its impressive testostricles. I thought mine were pretty good, but they pale into insignificance beside those of this bull. Also, I should add that mine don't have a chain attached to them. Speculation then ran rife within our rented Hyundi Getz. What on earth could the chain be for? Badger suggested that it might be for leading him around. After all, no one is going to play up while being led around by the testostricles. However, my male staff insisted that real bulls don't have the chain and that it was a fine example of Queensland culture. The idea is for visitors to have a go at pulling the chain. If the chain is pulled with enough macho, butch strength the bulls bellows, it's eyes flash and the successful visitor is rewarded with a coconut dispensed from the bull's bottom passage. But all this is done in a very tasteful way of course.

So, as I give my male staff corrective bites while he types this post we are all in a somewhat crappy motel on the edge of Mackay right next to the Bruce Highway with semi-trailers thundering past the window every ten seconds and Boeing 737s roaring overhead has they make their final approach to the airport next door. There are a pair of miners brawling in the carpark and a couple having noisy sex in the room next door.

There are pubic hairs in the kettle (though it's true they could be Badger's) and a big green bogey wiped on the toilet wall just above the toilet paper (though it's true that it could be male staff's mad sister's). Neither Badger nor I can sleep due to male staff's dad's snoring. Badger has his head hidden on his bedding and I have a piece of carrot stuck in each ear. It's not helping. I think we might be leaving Mackay early tomorrow morning.

BADGER'S FOOTNOTE
Billy's male staff's dad's snores are so loud that my feet vibrate.

No photo today I'm afraid. The internet connection is so crappy here that I can't upload one. You'll have to use your imagination.