Bloody Students

What a fun week it's been. The people of Britain are revolting, some dude with a rocket launcher, a huge beard and a turban has killed thirty US Navy Seals - not to mention seven Afghans in a helicopter, (And I noticed that many news outlets chose not to mention that.) and the stock market has fallen lower than a guinea pig's testostricles. There was one bit of good news that came out of the London riots. My male staff's precious football club West Ham United's home game was postponed on Tuesday night due to the unrest. This rescued them from yet another humiliating defeat against Aldershot and thus saved our doors from being slammed and our non-existent cat from being kicked.

From my vantage point point in my cage close to the telly I saw the footage of those nice people in England who having broken the jaw of an innocent Malaysian student then feigned going to his aid. One pretended to comfort him while the others swiped stuff out of the poor kid's backpack. What brave lads. Makes you proud to be British - really evokes the spirit of Dunkirk and the blitz. I'll bet their Mum's are really proud of them. Actually come to think of it, maybe it was their mothers who told them to go out and loot a new plasma telly as the old one was on the blink. "While you're there get one for your granny too. And don't forget the milk."

My staff's niece is a student at Leeds University doing a dual honours BA degree in The History of Inebriation since 2009 and Pub Crawling. She's doing very well too apparently. Anyway, her mother - my male staff's sister went to visit her the other day in her student digs. She walked into the apartment and almost fainted from shock. "Oh my God!" She cried, gazing around at the utter devastation within. "You didn't tell me your apartment had been looted by rioters."
 "What rioters?" Said my niece.
My male staff's sister then spent the afternoon dressed in the sort of anti-biological warfare suits that the baddies wore in the movie ET as she hosed out and fumigated the apartment. I think staff's niece went to the pub. Bloody students. I hate people who have more fun than me.

I bet the British public were relieved when PM David Cameron eventually cut short his well deserved holiday from widening the gap between rich and poor and reluctantly returned to London to make sure nobody torched his car. I thought he looked positively terrified when he gave his little press conference. Jeez! the man has all the leadership skill and forceful personality of sheep, and not a very assertive one at that. He's going to need a lot of help from Rupert Murdoch if he's to win the next election.