Monday, December 22, 2014

A Christmas Carol

There are so many depressing things to write about this week.  You humans have been doing some truly barbaric things to each other.  There's the Sydney siege - three dead including the gunman.  The attack on the school in Peshawar - one hundred and forty one dead.  A mother stabbed to death her seven children and her niece. Then someone shot two cops dead in their car New York.  Yes folks the season of peace and goodwill is well and truly upon us.  I've a good mind to cancel Christmas altogether this year because you obviously can't be trusted to behave in a civilised manner. 

However, I'm persuaded to be lenient by the tale of a homeless man and a student in the English town of Preston.  According to the BBC, art student Dominique Harrison-Bentzen had no money left for a taxi home after a night out with friends.  She was approached by a homeless man known as Robbie who gave her his last three pounds for the taxi.  Dominique then set about raising money to get Robbie set up with a roof over his head.  She asked her friends to donate three pounds each in the hope of raising five hundred pounds for him.  She has now raised twenty thousand pounds and is not only helping Robbie, but many other of Preston's homeless too.  So thanks to Dominique and Robbie you can have your Christmas, but you'll have to promise to behave a lot better next year or Santa will be getting a memo from me.

Now then to get you all into the festive spirit I'd like to sing you a cavy carol. You may recognise the tune as "While Shepherds Watched."  Okay after three.  One two three...............

Wheek wheek wheek wheek wheek wheek wheek wheek
 wheek wheek wheek drrrrr putt putt.

Oh, sorry I was forgetting. None of you lot speak Cavy do you.  I'll start again in English shall I?
One two three..........

Fe-male staff washed her frock last night
And hung it on the line.
My male staff tripped and dropped her glass
And covered her with wine.

Fear not said he, it could be worse
That glass might have been mine.
My female staff just glared at him
And said "You selfish swine!"

Those words, they hurt my poor male staff,
They cut him to the quick.
As he bent down to clean the mess
She gave his butt a kick.

He yelped and sprawled, his balance lost,
He really felt his age,
As finally he came to rest,
His head in Baci's cage.

Baci looked up from chewing hay
Intrigued by male staff's pose.
He waddled over to male staff
And promptly bit his nose.

His head was stuck inside the cage,
He could not get it free.
His butt was stuck up in the air.
It was a sight to see.

Fe-male staff pulled upon his legs
 His head was firmly stuck,
As Baci's teeth impaled his snout,
My male staff said "Oh.......dear!"

The fire brigade were duly called,
All hunky men no doubt
Fe-male staff winked and smiled at them
And said "Get this fool out."

They pulled and heaved on male staff's feet
And finally dragged him out.
His ears were sore, his pride was hurt.
A cavy on his snout.

My male staff pulled on Baci's bum
And pulled him off his nose.
His blood flowed freely down his chin
And dripped onto his clothes.

The firemen went home for their tea
And male staff closed the door.
"Now where's my glass of wine?" Said he
As his blood pooled on the floor.

He took a step towards his chair
And slipped upon his blood
Head first he fell in Alfie's cage.
He's really such a clod.

Alfie came up and bit his nose,
He thought it was a snack.
Fe-male staff opened up the door
And called the firemen back.

Well friends, that's it for 2014.  I hope your year has been truly wonderful and that next year is even better.  Thank you for reading my ramblings.  Have a happy and safe festive season.  As usual I'll leave the last word (albeit misspelled) to Baci.


Wot duz Uncal Billy meen "misspelled"?  Hooz to say that his spelling is not like all rong?  Maybe the way I spell things is the rite way.  He likes to make owt like he's so edyewkayted  eddukait eddewca klevver and I reely don't like the way he incinerates that I'm fick as a brik.  It's not fare.
Ennyway, I'm heer to wish yoo all a very merry Krissmas and a happy Noo Yeer on beharf of all of us piggies - me, Tom, Toby and Alfie.




"To you in David's
Town this day
Is born of David's line
The Savior who is Christ the Lord
And this shall be the sign
And this shall be the sign."

"The heavenly Babe
You there shall find
To human view displayed
And meanly wrapped
In swathing bands
And in a manger laid
And in a manger laid."

Thus spake the seraph,
And forthwith
Appeared a shining throng
Of angels praising God, who thus
Addressed their joyful song
Addressed their joyful song

"All glory be to
God on high
And to the earth be peace;
Goodwill henceforth
From heaven to men
Begin and never cease
Begin and never cease!"


  1. That is surely one suave set of cavies!!!

  2. Oh my goodness, does Alfie have a green tongue? Or did he just dye it that way for Christmas? Love the pigtures and the song! Merry Christmas my dear friend Billy. Sending you and your earth bound pig brothers and staff love and joy for the holiday. The story about the student and homeless man is beautiful! I am exasperated everyday of my pig existence with the bad things the humans do. One day they will evolve to our level....I hope. Time for me to go back to eating....I'm gotta keep eating non-stop until I get bigger!
    -Puppy the Guinea Pig, International Rodent Superstar

  3. I hope you had a lovely Christmas!