"It wasn't my hat he chewed. It was yours." She thought about this for a moment before storming off to her tent to make an insurance claim. Anyway, all is forgiven.
What else? Oh yes. Another of my male staff's elderly guests had her entire Imodium supply stolen from her room by a vervet monkey. She asked my male staff what she should do about it, but he just shrugged and advised her to keep her door shut in future, and that she needn't worry about him coming back to steal her toilet paper.
The world's most constipated monkey. (Note the glazed eyes.)
It must be said that this elderly lady was not the only one to have monkey trouble. The monkeys at the Serena Lodge at Amboseli National Park are particularly vengeful. Game viewing vehicles parked there with open roofs are liable to be thoroughly searched for food and drink by these pesky primates. The trouble is that if they don't find anything worth eating they take a large odious dump on one of the seats. Apparently it takes about three months to get rid of the smell. This may be why we saw so many Chinese and Japanese tourists wearing those ridiculous face masks in their vehicles. Come to think of it, maybe that's why Michael Jackson was often seen wearing a mask. Perhaps his chimp Bubbles had crapped in his car.
So, now we are back in Australia, a nation facing the real possibility of electing a new government on September the seventh headed by a bloke called Tony Abbott who says that climate change is a myth. Actually he said it is "a load of crap" but I don't like to use the word "crap" more than once a week if I can help it. Oh crap! There, I've used it again. Dammit! That's four times now. Honestly how can a nation elect a Prime Minister who believes that the greatest ever threat to mankind is not happening. They have creatures like him in Africa. They call them ostriches.
I have returned from Africa with an alarming medical emergency. I have bloat. It's very painful, I'm not eating, and I'm pooping less than a monkey who's eaten a whole packet of Imodium. Worse still, I can't see my beautiful feet over the top of my swollen tummy.