Monday, September 23, 2013

The Meringue And The Chocolate Mouse

On Thursday my male staff disappeared for half the day, leaving Paolo the budgie and I at home, Paolo making irritating scraping noises on his cuttlefish bone and yours truly making soothing, gentlemanly munching sounds as I chomped through my hay. Other than that the house was silent. Then, bang, crash! The front door flew open and in strode my male staff clutching my carrying cage. Bugger! I thought. Looks like I'm off to the vet again. But no inside the carrying cage was a huge white meringue which was wheeking and rumbling. That's odd, I thought. My male staff's food doesn't usually make a noise until he has consumed it. Then blow me if he didn't put his lunch into the now empty cage (sadly vacated by Badger). His lunch then proceeded to run around.  The giant meringue completed a stately inspection of it's surroundings before sitting on top of a pile of hay and fixing me with a curious stare with it's beady little black eyes.

 "Billy," announced my male staff. "Meet your new housemate. This is Boris," he said pointing to the staring meringue, Well! You could have knocked me over with a piece of desiccated bush chocolate. This confectionery item is in fact a guinea pig, and what's more I was expected to share my basil with him. Then horror of horrors, as my male staff turned away, a second piece of confectionery poked it's tiny head out of the hay upon which Boris was sitting. This time it was a tiny chocolate mouse - or that's what it looked like. This chocolate mouse then set about lapping the cage at a speed that would put Insane Bolt (or whatever his name is) to shame.
 "That's my nephew Bacci." Said Boris in answer to my unspoken question.
So, they are settling in and so far have been quite considerate neighbours.No noisy parties so far and Boris and I have had a few chats through the bars of our cages. He told me that there were nearly two hundred piggies at the rescue centre where they were living before my male staff pig-napped them. I asked him who he thinks might rescue him from this mad house, but he just gave me a blank look. Poor innocent fool. He'll learn soon enough. Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire.
He told me how my male staff walked around all the cages at the rescue centre about a dozen times. now and again pausing to molest a piggy or two, but still couldn't decide which piggies to "rescue" In the end he heard him chanting something that sounded like......................
"Eeny meeny miney mutt.
Catch a piggy by the butt.
If he squeals grab him and shove him in the carry cage."
Well, guess who was silly enough to squeal when he was grabbed by the butt. Yep, that's right - Boris. Poor little Bacci just happened to be in Boris' cage at the time and he was so small that my male staff didn't even notice that he's picked him up along with Boris and a bundle of hay. The pair of them then got to experience the extreme sport of driving with my male staff. No wonder poor old Boris looked a bit stunned and bulgy-eyed when he arrived.
Anyway, once my male staff arrived home, Boris was plucked from the carry cage along with the afore mentioned bundle of hay and was left alone with a bowl of food and a bottle of water to let him get used to his new surroundings, at which point wee Bacci emerged from the bundle of hay and pushed his way in between Boris' legs to get his fair share of the food. Ten minutes later my male staff returned to see how Boris was settling in and did a comical double take as he spied a second pair of eyes looking up questioningly at him. The first thing he did was grab the phone and call the rescue centre.
  "Hello? Cavy Cottage? I want to complain about the male guinea pig I've just adopted." Naturally I couldn't hear what the nice Cavy Cottage person was saying, but felt sorry for whoever it was.
  "Well, it's not male!" Continued my male staff.
Silence then as the person at the other end spoke. (Silence that is apart from my male staff's incensed heavy breathing.)
  "Of course it's a bloody female. It's had a baby while I was driving home."
More heavy breathing.
  "Look at it's testicles? What sort of pervert do you think I am?"
More heavy breathing.
  "Okay, I'll look." He put the phone down and stomped, muttering darkly under his breath to Boris' cage. He picked him up, ignoring Bacci's mad scamperings and inspected his nether regions. "Humph!" He said loudly and placed a startled looking Boris back in the cage. Then back to the phone.
  "It appears to be a male." He said quietly. "So where did the baby come from?"
Still more heavy breathing.
  "What do you mean I owe you another twenty dollars for the second animal.? If you think I'm going to pay you for a guinea pig I don't even want you've got another think coming. I'll return it right away." At this point Bacci wheeked softly, snuggled up to Boris and gazed up at my male staff while nibbling on a bean. My male staff sighed deeply.
  Will you accept a credit card? He said.

  Boris and Bacci. Ugly great brutes aren't they?


  1. Sorry, Billy, they are lovely. Bacci looks like a mini Woody.

    1. Bacci has not got red eyes like woody. He is the same colour as Big Red!

    2. Bacci considers that a huge compliment.

  2. They're the cutest ugly brutes ever, Billy. I hope you three get along just fine.

    We just brought home another boy too this weekend - Henry Upton. First thing he did - escape while I was off hosting my radio show. (We found him under our bed after 30 minutes.) Nothing like a good panic attack to welcome a third pig into the family.

    1. Sounds like it's going to be exciting to have Sir Henry around. How did he get his name?

  3. I agree with Susan, the cutest ugly brutes ever.Is Bacci pronounced italian? (nearly two hundred piggies at the rescue centre? OMC! where do they all come from, aside from the obvious?)

  4. O Billy, they are so lovely and you will have so much fun together!! I think your staff could start their own rescue, it would be brilliant!!

  5. Lmao "what sort of pervert do you think I am?"

    Bacci looks HUGE. like a BIG bunny. They're both cute. I'm glad your male staff fell for the cute eyes of the little one hehe.

    Also, that's a LOT of piggies. Where do they come from? (Besides their mommies. Duh. )

  6. Billy, you have new neighbors! How exciting! I can see how you thought that white thing was meringue...easy mistake to make. it is the fluffiest pig I ever saw. Poor little baby Bacci....he was smart to stow away and tag along. I hope you all become great friends. It is good that you have neighbors pal...pigs shouldn't be alone, especially after losing a friend recently.
    your friend,
    Puppy the Guinea Pig, International Rodent Superstar

  7. PS- I do not allow the girl to SET FOOT into any pig rescue and she is not allowed to make eye contact with any pet store pigs. Because this is my house and I've had it with what she brings home!

  8. Awww, Boris and Bacci are handsome little guys! (Not as handsome as you, of course, Billy...)

  9. I wrote you a poem it's about recent events from your point of view. It's not very good but here it is.
    The cage beside me is empty now,
    You are no longer here.
    And as I sit and think of you,
    I slowly shed a tear.
    But wait! What's that? I hear a sound,
    from your cage just over there.
    And then I see, a chocolate mouse!
    And a meringue all covered in hair!
    New friends I think and say hello,
    They say hello too.
    And though your cage is full again,
    I'll always remember you.

    1. Oh Katy....leaky eyes big time. What a wonderful, happy/sad poem. Thank you very, very much.

  10. Omg Katy I just cried too...a lovely poem! I love all u guys <3 ~~emily jane

  11. I'm so glad you like sorry about the leaky eyes though.