"Billy," announced my male staff. "Meet your new housemate. This is Boris," he said pointing to the staring meringue, Well! You could have knocked me over with a piece of desiccated bush chocolate. This confectionery item is in fact a guinea pig, and what's more I was expected to share my basil with him. Then horror of horrors, as my male staff turned away, a second piece of confectionery poked it's tiny head out of the hay upon which Boris was sitting. This time it was a tiny chocolate mouse - or that's what it looked like. This chocolate mouse then set about lapping the cage at a speed that would put Insane Bolt (or whatever his name is) to shame.
"That's my nephew Bacci." Said Boris in answer to my unspoken question.
So, they are settling in and so far have been quite considerate neighbours.No noisy parties so far and Boris and I have had a few chats through the bars of our cages. He told me that there were nearly two hundred piggies at the rescue centre where they were living before my male staff pig-napped them. I asked him who he thinks might rescue him from this mad house, but he just gave me a blank look. Poor innocent fool. He'll learn soon enough. Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire.
He told me how my male staff walked around all the cages at the rescue centre about a dozen times. now and again pausing to molest a piggy or two, but still couldn't decide which piggies to "rescue" In the end he heard him chanting something that sounded like......................
"Eeny meeny miney mutt.
Catch a piggy by the butt.
If he squeals grab him and shove him in the carry cage."
Well, guess who was silly enough to squeal when he was grabbed by the butt. Yep, that's right - Boris. Poor little Bacci just happened to be in Boris' cage at the time and he was so small that my male staff didn't even notice that he's picked him up along with Boris and a bundle of hay. The pair of them then got to experience the extreme sport of driving with my male staff. No wonder poor old Boris looked a bit stunned and bulgy-eyed when he arrived.
Anyway, once my male staff arrived home, Boris was plucked from the carry cage along with the afore mentioned bundle of hay and was left alone with a bowl of food and a bottle of water to let him get used to his new surroundings, at which point wee Bacci emerged from the bundle of hay and pushed his way in between Boris' legs to get his fair share of the food. Ten minutes later my male staff returned to see how Boris was settling in and did a comical double take as he spied a second pair of eyes looking up questioningly at him. The first thing he did was grab the phone and call the rescue centre.
"Hello? Cavy Cottage? I want to complain about the male guinea pig I've just adopted." Naturally I couldn't hear what the nice Cavy Cottage person was saying, but felt sorry for whoever it was.
"Well, it's not male!" Continued my male staff.
Silence then as the person at the other end spoke. (Silence that is apart from my male staff's incensed heavy breathing.)
"Of course it's a bloody female. It's had a baby while I was driving home."
More heavy breathing.
"Look at it's testicles? What sort of pervert do you think I am?"
More heavy breathing.
"Okay, I'll look." He put the phone down and stomped, muttering darkly under his breath to Boris' cage. He picked him up, ignoring Bacci's mad scamperings and inspected his nether regions. "Humph!" He said loudly and placed a startled looking Boris back in the cage. Then back to the phone.
"It appears to be a male." He said quietly. "So where did the baby come from?"
Still more heavy breathing.
"What do you mean I owe you another twenty dollars for the second animal.? If you think I'm going to pay you for a guinea pig I don't even want you've got another think coming. I'll return it right away." At this point Bacci wheeked softly, snuggled up to Boris and gazed up at my male staff while nibbling on a bean. My male staff sighed deeply.
Will you accept a credit card? He said.
Boris and Bacci. Ugly great brutes aren't they?