"Okay, does anyone have any questions?........Yes, the lady in the front row with the really saggy boobs and grey pubic hair."
Of course if you are giving a speech to a group of nudists that won't work. You'll need to imagine yourself naked and your audience fully clothed.
America's next President?
Anyway, one of these kinkily dressed newsreaders recently told us that there have been five fatal attacks by great white sharks in the last ten months in the waters around the state of Western Australia and that the state government is keen to lift the animal's protection order, not to allow hunting, but to allow fishermen to catch them. The difference being what precisely? Fortunately the protection can't be lifted without consultation with the Federal government, so it is by no means a foregone conclusion that it will happen. On the face of it it seems like just another one of the knee jerk reactions that you humans appear to be addicted too. There is a very good reason that the great white is protected. Like other large sharks it has suffered a catastrophic collapse in numbers worldwide, partly due to human over fishing of their prey species and partly due to the number of large sharks being caught for their fins. The latter would be almost forgivable if the rest of the shark wasn't wasted. But no, you humans catch the shark, slice off it's valuable fin and then throw the shark back into the ocean - usually still alive, in pain and doomed to die horribly.
In any case you are far more likely to be mashed to mincemeat in a car accident.on the way to the beach than to become a tasty snack for a great white when you get there, so why doesn't some politician suggest culling a few cars. Hell's Bells! Even toasters kill more people than sharks worldwide - vicious brutes, toasters. My staff once found a crispy mouse in the bottom of theirs. It didn't stop them having breakfast though. Bee stings, lightning strikes, texting whilst driving, falling out of bed, deer, dogs, ants, American high school football, vending machines and obesity all kill many more people than sharks. So, when your local politician tells you that sharks are dangerous and should be removed from the protected species list, you can tell him that more lives would be saved by banning vending machines or limiting the height of beds.
Watch out! These things'll kill ya.
Finally I'd just like to offer some piggy advice for what it's worth. If you think the official odds of being killed by a shark are too risky at 300,000,000 to 1, then don't go in the ocean. By the way, the chances of being on a plane with a drunk pilot are 115 to 1. The chances of being killed in a plane crash are 355,318 to 1
(2 to 1 on Aeroflot). Now my male staff is worried that he'll be on a plane with a drunk pilot which crashes into the ocean, where he gets eaten by a shark.
(Odds courtesy of Casino Maze.)
I'm worried about my feet. The chances of being hit by something falling from an aircraft are only 10,000,000 to 1. Maybe it's time I started wearing steel capped boots.