Thursday, April 19, 2012

Peeing, Larking, Torturing Idiots

As my male staff types this blog post, with the aid of frequent corrective nips from yours truly, his dad, his mad sister and her long suffering husband are in a tin can. They're at about thirty nine thousand feet and travelling at approximately five hundred and fifty miles per hour.  It's eight thirty AM Australian Eastern Standard Time so they should be somewhere over Bulgaria I'm guessing, enroute to a change of planes at Abu Dhabi. That is unless my male staff's mad sister is navigating, in which case they are probably about two hundred feet above the North Atlantic. Once when navigating with her GPS she made the mistake of doing what it told her to do and took the next left turning. It turned out to be a farm track and she sank axle deep into a nice mixture of sloppy mud and cattle slurry. The farmer was very understanding and kindly pulled her out with his tractor.

You may remember from a previous post that my male staff's mad sister once looked out of an aircraft window one night and was alarmed to see the light from another aircraft tracking dangerously close beside them. In a panic, she called a flight attendant to look and was told that she shouldn't worry because it was their own wingtip light. Below is a link to the post that deals with that sorry episode.

Mind you, she's not the only who really shouldn't be allowed anywhere near an aeroplane. Just yesterday while searching for a piece of cucuumber I rembered leaving buried in my bedding I came across an interesting item in the newspaper which lines the bottom of my cage. An Air Canada pilot recently mistook the planet Venus for another aircraft heading straight for him. The sudden evading maneouvre he took injured several passengers, but at least he didn't have a head on collision with Venus which would have been much worse. I only hope the aircraft cleaners were paid extra for all the poo they would have had to scrub from the passengers' seats.

Anyway, back to my male staff's family. His dad will be travelling at the pointy end of the plane so he'll get here first, followed shortly afterwards by his mad sister and her long suffering husband who will be travelling with the other pond life in comedy class. While his dad will be addressed by the cabin crew as "Sir", his mad sister and her long suffering husband will be addressed as "Oi you!" Or if they have the temerity to ring the service bell "What do you peasants want. Don't you know we're trying to sleep?" Ah yes, the joys of comedy class airline travel. It'll be good to see them all when they do eventually get here. It means I'll have three extra staff for a while.

Finally, another article I found in my newspaper while hunting for that slice of cucumber stated that United States soldiers were photographed doing odd things with the body parts of dead suspected Taliban members in Afghanistan. So far the US military has been caught out torturing people in Abu Ghraib, Iraq, burning Korans, peeing on the enemy's dead bodies, not to mention the homicidal maniac/post traumatic stress disorder victim who shot innocent children in their own homes. Now this. What the hell is going on?
Is it poor leadership or poor training or both? Whatever happened to dicipline? These dudes ought to be charged with treason. Even a peace loving guinea pig can see that these sort of atrocities just make it harder and more dangerous for the other poor sods in uniform whom the Taliban like to use for target practice.

The "West" has to keep the moral high ground when it chooses to invade any nation for whatever reason, or they have lost the battle and have become as bad as whatever regime their trying to displace. As a guinea pig with little knowledge of the American military I say to those peeing, larking, torturing idiots. GROW UP or I'll pee on you while you're alive. See how you like that! And by the way, stop betraying your great nation. Okay, rant over. Time to fling some poop at my staff.

He flings poop at me too you know. Sometimes it hits my feet, What does he know about the moral high ground?


  1. why is badger always carefully wrapped up in his pics? & why does the old guy get to travel in a better class than the mad sister, surely it makes more sense to separate her from as many others as possible? bipeds confuse us!

  2. O Badger, I am sorry he flings his poo at you *stern look at Billy* you have to be nice to your bruvas!!

  3. Me is fwom that USA Countwy!!! While I bunderstand how a few of our soldiers can be so disillusioned and "pissed-off" as to why we are STILL fighting in a pwace that their own people don't want us there, they are taking out their fwustwations at the wrong people! To me, it would make much more sense to "poke fun at" a few of Pwesident Obama's body parts!! (Pwease wemember, military powice, that this is my (Scotty The Bunny) opinion and not necessarily my Mommas!) After all, it is HE, and his wediculous staff, that has kept our men & women over there WAY TOO LONG!! I mean....if the people who live in the country we are "helping" don't want us there....why are we there?? Enough about that!!
    Once again, this blog has been beautifully punctuated by Badgers footnote!! Job well done, Badger!!

    1. Thanks for the comment Scotty my lovely pal. The last thing I want is to offend anyone. I just wanted to point out that a few idiots are making things more difficult and dangerous for the majority of committed, courageous soldiers. They are also showing great disrespect to both the nation they are there to help and their own nation.

      By the way, which of Mr Obama's body parts would you like me to poke fun at?