A Cavy up my Cassock

My staff recently took Badger and I to Prague for a few days. Prague is the capital city of the Czech Republic and the first thing that struck me was that they need to change their national flag to something more appropriate. The flag they have is too dull. Badger and I came up with something much better. What they should have is a large sausage and two dumplings on a beer coloured background. The beer coloured background represents the fact that the Czechs are the world’s largest consumers of beer per capita. The two dumplings and the sausage should be arranged to form a representation of the male genitalia and serves to represent both the national food and the Czech Republic’s largest export – internet pornography.

Prague’s a lovely old city, though it’s cobbled streets are a bit rough on the claws, but at least we shouldn’t have to pay a visit to the vet for nail trimming for a while. There were lots of old buildings to interest my staff, but the market was all sausages and no lettuce, so we found that a bit boring. Eventually my staff tired of wandering around gazing at old things. Don’t know why we had to go all the way to Prague for them to do that. They could have done that at home simply by looking in the mirror or at each other. Mind you, it has to be said that many of the old buildings in Prague are better preserved than my staff. So, eventually my staff sat down at an outdoor café and ordered a beer each. Seeing the size of the glass of beer – easily enough to drown a large hairy guinea pig in – Badger and I decided to do a little exploring on our own. So while my staff were busy swilling their amber nectar and collecting white froth on the end of their noses we scuttled away across the market square in the direction of a large church which had two pointy spires.

Once inside we found a whole lot of men in frocks carrying candles and before you could say “Cavy up my Cassock” they had cavies up their cassocks. What fun that was. They man who’s cassock I invaded was so shocked that he set fire to the cassock of the man in front of him with his candle. At that point we thought we’d better make ourselves scarce, so we scarpered up the steps leading up to the twin spires. It was a long way up those steps but we were fired by adrenalin due to the half dozen or so men in frocks threatening us with unspeakable acts with their candles. I’ve always maintained that religion causes nothing but trouble. We had no problem eluding our pursuers who had no answer to our athlissisim………athleticcissm………athlettis…………fitness, and we soon found ourselves at the top of the spires from where we had a splendid view of the square below and of my staff who had finished their beer and appeared to be locked in animated conversation with members of the local constabulary – and the police too. 

It turned out that my staff had reported us missing – once they’d finished guzzling beer.

Unfortunately, probably due to the language barrier, (My staff only speak Gibberish.) the police got the wrong end of the stick and assumed that we were their children (Heaven forbid.) and mobilised most of the force and a couple of helicopters in a bid to find us before we fell into the hands of people even more perverted than my staff. The cops were not amused when it turned out they were looking for a couple of furry fugitives and arrested my staff for wasting police time. They were going to charge them for the cost of two hours helicopter time, but my male staff burst into tears, so they released them both to get a bit of peace and quiet, plus my male staff borrowed the chief constables handkerchief and the police station had entirely run out of paper tissues. I rather liked Prague.