Sunday, September 18, 2011

Just Desserts

Will someone out there please called the RSPCA or some other animal welfare organisation please. My staff are being horribly cruel to Badger and I. They promised us a dessert safari, so we were all geared up for a feast of berries and apples and stuff. Badger even cleaned his teeth in readiness for the banana he thought he was going to get. In the end all we got was sand - in each and every one of our piggy orifices
We'd been warned to expect a bumpy ride in a four wheel drive thingy up and down some sand dunes on the way to the dessert place. Unfortunately Badger threw up in the hotel lift on the way down to the lobby. I'd warned him not to eat the entire bowl of tabbouleh at lunch time, but he wouldn't listen. He was resting in the crook of my female staff's arm. It was a crowded lift and there was a tall, elegant man wearing a beautiful, dazzling white robe standing in front of my female staff. Luckily he had his back to her because suddenly Badger's head started to swivel three hundred and sixty degrees a la Linda Blair. Then whoops-a-daisy, up came about a litre of bright green tabbouleh all over the man's back in a perfect green stripe from top to bottom of his robe. Amazingly he didn't notice and strode out of the lift, through the lobby and climbed into a nice Rolls Royce with beautiful white leather seats, into which he settled comfortably, totally unaware of the colourful surprise that awaited him at his destination.

So, after all that Badger was feeling much better as we sat in the vehicle swishing up and down the sand dunes along with a great convoy of other cars. Eventually we came to a big enclosure, outside of which were a dozen large snorting things with humpy backs. My female staff immediately squealed like a girl and ran over to them. Still clutching Badger she climbed onto the hump of one of these creatures and another man in a nice white robe led her around in a wide circle. Naturally I was concerned for the well being of the man's robe given Badger's proximity, but all was well and soon we were all ensconced within the enclosure. My staff were cross legged, seated on plush cushions at a low table piled high with barbecued meat of all kinds. It was disgusting. Meat and sand everywhere and but no dessert to seen. Then a rude lady came out and started waggling her belly around in time to music. I hate music and was forced to run up my male staff's shirt to protect my ears. Unfortunately it had been a hot sweaty afternoon and I soon ran back down again holding my nose. I don't think my male staff has heard of deodorant. He seemed to enjoy the rude lady, but my female staff didn't seem to enjoy the fact that he was enjoying the rude lady. I think she's been taking death stare lessons from Badger.

So, the upshot of this experience is that we've all learned valuable lessons. Badger now knows that it's not really a good idea to eat an entire bowl of tabbouleh in one sitting. My female staff now knows that my male staff shouldn't be exposed to rude ladies. My male staff has learned to pretend not to look at rude ladies if he is fortunate enough to be exposed to them, and I have learned to let the difference between a dessert and a desert.  


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