Paranoid

Billionaire Aussie mining magnate Clive (The Cane Toad) Palmer is back in the news again. Not that he's ever really been out of it recently. You may remember him from my recent blog post "A Fridge Full of Cane Toads." Here's a link to that. http://pemery.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/fridge-full-of-cane-toads.html

Badger and I saw his toady face on the telly last night. He looks relatively sane, but as soon as he opens his mouth it becomes immediately apparent that he's as mad as a bucket of frogs. According to Clive the CIA and the Australian Greens have teamed up in a conspiracy to undermine (as it were) the Australian mining industry so that American mining companies will get greater access to the Chinese coal market. Now I like a good conspiracy theory as much as any other guinea pig, but the the Greens and the CIA? Here's something even scarier. Tony (Climate Change is Absolute Crap.) Abbott, Australia's opposition leader, and possibly our next Prime Minister agrees with him. It's about as believable as the theory that George Dubya's administration planned and carried out the 9/11 attacks, or that John F Kennedy ordered the killing of Marilyn Munro, or that I pushed Badger off my male staff's lap recently.

There can only be three reason for Tony Abbott siding with Clive on this matter.
1. Tony Abbott is also as mad as a bucket of frogs.
2. He wants to keep onside with one of his party's largest (In more ways than one.) financial supporters.
3. Both of the above. (I think this one is most likely.)

Ah well, enough of this talk of madmen for now. If my male staff sees it he'll think we're talking about him. He's so loopy that he takes life advice from the labels on household products. "Keep away from children" is his favourite. He always tries to follow this excellent advice, especially on planes and in lifts/elevators when the children are holding an icecream. He often takes advice on things he buys in the shop far too literally. Just before Christmas he was admitted to hospital when he followed the advice on a plum pudding packet. "Remove pudding from wrapping and stand in boiling water for thirty minutes" it said.

I must admit to feeling a little paranoid myself lately. Google puts nice little advertisements on my blog. They're supposed to be "appropriate" to the subject matter and of local interest too. However I've noticed a distinct penchant for rodent and pest control and laser hair removal ads (Not by the same company I hasten to add, though it would make for quite an interesting business model.) How are those adverts appropriate for a blog written by an ultra hairy rodent? It's made me feel so uneasy that I've taken to searching my bedding before I go to bed at night in case Badger has hidden an IED (Indecorously Excreted Dropping) in there.

Lastly today I'd like to thank my male staff's mad sister for the term "As mad as a bucket of frogs." Apparently it is the official medical name for her condition, which unfortunately is progressive. The next stage is "More nuts than a squirrels underpants" and she's already been through the "Dafter than Donald Trump's toupe" phase.

BADGER'S FOOTNOTE
If I ever do leave an IED in Billy's bedding it will be a nice squashy one that sticks to his feet.