Horny Pig

There have been one or two worrying conversations taking place in our household lately.  I don't much care for the direction in which they are heading.  Pea and Chook have been discussing whether I am lonely or not.  Bear in mind that these discussions take place in front of me as though I was not present.  How rude is that?

"Do you think he's happy?" Said Chook gazing at me while I sat on top of my little red shelter chewing my bedding.

"I'm sure he's fine." Replied Pea.

"What if he's lonely?"

"Do you want to get him a friend?"

Chook sighed.  "Maybe.  We could get him a little girlfriend but what would we do with all the babies?"

Pea said,  "Well we can't get another male they'd probably fight.  We could have him fixed, then we could get him a girlfriend."  This made my ears prick up as you can imagine.  Pea almost whispered the word "fixed" and I detected a slight wince in his voice as he said it.  Oh great! I thought.  First they drag me away from my family, now they're plotting to cut of my dangly bits.  So it looks like I'm in few a few sleepless nights while they decide what to do with my private parts.

I must admit I quite like the idea of sharing my cage with a chicky-babe.  I have been getting as horny as hell lately and I'm embarrassed to say that the cardboard toilet roll innards that Pea and Chook give me to play with are just too big to be of any use if you know what I mean.  However, any benefit I might get from sharing my cage with a lady pig would be somewhat negated if I were to have my wedding tackle "fixed."  If Pea could only speak Cavy I would remind him of the old saying "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."  And I can assure him that it ain't broke!

Anyway I've been trying to distract myself from these worries by watching the cricket with Pea.  Apparently the England team have retained something called the Ashes which for some reason has put Pea in an unusually good mood.  A state of mind enhanced by the fact that his favourite football team - West Ham has not lost for four games.  These two events combining as they have is about as infrequent as an ice age Pea says, so he's making the most of it.  For my two American readers West Ham play football with a proper round ball - that's "saah-ker" as you like to call it.  As for myself, at the moment I like to keep quiet and not mention balls of any sort.