Sunday, November 17, 2013


The other day I was sitting on my male staff's lap nonchalantly chewing on a slice of carrot while he was pretending to work on his computer. He wasn't working at all of course, he'd actually Googled "West Ham's Ten Greatest Goals" (West Ham being the soccer team he's supported since he was a snotty eight year old.) Sadly though You Tube had no such video because it turns out West Ham have yet to score ten goals since he started supporting them, so he had to settle for "West Ham's Ten Funniest Own Goals". For some reason he found that rather depressing and with great reluctance he decided that perhaps he might as well do some work after all.

With much grumbling - he sounds like Muttley from the cartoon Wacky Races when he grumbles by the way. Readers of a similar advanced age and decrepitude to my male staff will remember Muttley as the villain Dick Dastardly's dog who muttered things like "Rrrraten grrrratten fknnnn basrrrggg shitennn" every time their evil plans went awry, which of course was every episode. Anyway, that gives you an idea of what my male staff sounds like when he's in a bed mood. In other words he sounds like that most of the time.

So, my male staff tried to log in to one of the internet sites he uses for "work" - I think it was.
 "Rrrraten grrrratten fknnnn basrrrggg shitennn" I heard him say. I peered out from behind my carrot. There on the screen were the most dreaded words a computer user can ever see displayed in front of him.

"Sorry, your password has been in use for 30 days and has expired - you must register a new one."
"Hmmph!" Said my male staff and typed. "kitten"
"Sorry, the security of your new password is not strong enough."
 "Bollocks!" Said my male staff and typed. "cute kitten".
"Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character."
 "Shit!" Said my male staff and typed. "1 cute kitten".
"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
 "Jesus Christ!" Said my male staff and typed "1cutekitten".
 "Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters."

"Oh Dear!" Said my male staff and typed "1fuckingcutekitten".
 "Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character."
 "Golly!" Said my male staff and typed "1FUCKINGcutekitten".
 "Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively."
 "Gosh!" Said my male staff and typed  "1FuckingCuteKitten".

"Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 characters."

 "Dash it all!" Said my male staff and after correcting several typos typed "1FuckingCuteKittenShovedUpYourArseIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessRightFuckingNow."

"Sorry, you cannot use punctuation."

My male staff sighed and shed a quiet tear, then typed. "1FuckingCuteKittenShovedUpYourArseIfYouDontGiveMeAccessRightFuckingNow"

 "Sorry, that password is already in use."

Boris' Bit.

Now Herr Billy's staff are haffink to be buyink ein neue computer because der alt vun ist layink in wenig pieces on der grass unter der office vindow und der vogel are crappink all over it.















  1. Just goes to show that site has pissed off its fair share of people, hahaha!!!

  2. :eeek: I´ve clicked the link ... maybe it would have been helpful to know what "huge knockers" mean MOL

    Oh and how we know this password-thingy, we know very well *shighs*

    Great post again, Billy! xxx´s

    1. OK asked my cationary and now i know what "knockers" mean *giggles*